Guess who?

I love a lot of things.
I don't hate much. When motorists park facing the wrong way and street basketball hoops are two; both being instances of perceived entitlement.
But more than the above two combined, I hate the meaningless expression “going forward”!
Thankfully, it is usually only used verbally; you’d have to be really dumb to use it in the written word. Going forward is purported to mean “in the future”, but it seems to be an attempt to avoid these words. It seems to mean “I don't know right now”. The local weather person used it twice in her short report just this morning.
You’ve heard it used, but your recollection of its use may be sketchy; the expression is redundant and vacuous so it may have slipped by you.
The dreaded phrase is almost always used as a superfluous “filler” when the speaker needs to sound knowledgeable and/or important, such as “our strategy going forward.” What is a strategy if not forward-looking? Or, it is randomly tacked onto the end of a sentence, as in: “Let’s talk about that tomorrow, going forward.” 
Even venerated institutions use it. Actually, they are the worst. A report – yes, a written report -- by the US Federal Reserve stated “Increased uncertainty has the potential to restrain economic growth going forward.” The last two words should be simply left out!
Newscasters and the aforementioned meteorologist-types, who should know better, are some of the worst offenders. The talking heads will often use this expression to maintain the cadence of their delivery when better words – or none at all – fail.
The battle against this expression is lost. Many have fought valiantly against it, including journalist Lucy Kellaway in the UK. In defeat, Kellaway cited the chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission in a speech he gave to, get this, persuade the financial sector to drop its convoluted traditional prose style. Kellaway was devastated by the chair’s use of the expression in his sentence “Still, although the learning curve will certainly flatten as we go forward, this year it was steep.” She lamented the fact that a decent wordsmith such as the chair should say this in a speech that was intended to promote plain English.
Another venerated institution, the (British) Institution of Silly and Meaningless Sayings, kept a "going-forward-ometer" until they gave up, exasperated, months later, after breaking their going-forward-ometer while recording hundreds of instances.
We cannot win going forward. The fight is indeed lost. Now, about that basketball hoop…

​While the cool cats nod their heads knowingly, others ask: What the heck is that?
Steampunk is a subgenre of science fiction or fantasy that has a distinctive look and includes technology and designs inspired by 19th Century industrial steam-power. The term was coined in the 1980s by writer Kevin Jeter. Although the term was recently coined, the concept of steampunk has existed for over a hundred years, in the venerated works of Jules Verne, HG Wells and others.
Steampunk literature, fashion and architecture are usually set in an alternative history of the Victorian era or the American Wild West, where steam power has maintained mainstream usage. It’s been said that steampunk runs on the Rule of Cool, with some steam-powered technology being more advanced than modern electronics. Perhaps that’s how huge airships and ornithopters are able to fly.
The concept of steampunk is far-reaching and diverse, with its various sub-genres and derivatives. Some of these are out there…way out there. For this and other reasons, I had reservations about making steampunk the setting for my second (and now, fourth) novel. It’s too soon in the series, I lamented, there are many other fascinating places that Sky and Zac could or, more properly, should travel to.
Like biblical Galilee.
I originally wanted to have the guys go back to meet Jesus Christ in the second novel. I felt that, of all possible travels through space-time, a trip to visit Jesus would be at the top of their “To Do” list. Or near the top of any chrononauts’ list.
So, I started researching. And writing. The sheer volume of material about the life of Jesus and life during his time is abundant. And daunting. Enough to start one book and complete in another. As I wrote, I kept thinking about a possible detour for the chrononauts; a detour into another dimension. A detour that readers – hell-bent on seeing their heroes meet Jesus -- wouldn’t see coming until it hit them like a dive-bombing ornie.
I wanted to create a steampunk world that was true to form, but at the same time, believable. And frankly, one that could translate to a movie screen near you.
Real buildings, gothic, with garish filigree, not built on floating islands. Gizmos with brass dials, not emerging from the top of a top hat, like Inspector Gadget. Real steam trains, airships and ornithopters, not surreal mega spider vehicles. Real characters, not shiny automatons. Real clothing, real fashion. Brass goggles and flimsy bustiers yes, mechanical spiders, no.

Steampunk Light, perhaps, but Steampunk Real; if that were only possible.
​
For a time travel novel, steampunk fits snug, like Nelly Lovelocks’ fingerless glove. Cogs and clocks play a big part in steampunk technology. The simplicity and elegance of one cog turning another is pleasing to the eye. Reaching into your overcoat to extricate your silver and brass pocket watch, you could easily be mesmerized by the rotations and intricate movement of the cogs, driving the hands forward through time…ticking, ticking…
Over the last twenty years or so, people who enjoy the steampunk aesthetic have come together and grown, through forums and social meetups. There are now annual conventions, expos and other steam-powered festivals that celebrate all aspects of the culture, its music, fashion and the associated paraphernalia.
Steampunk has become more than an aesthetic, more than merely a way of dressing up. Steampunk, it steems, is here to stay.

​In “Ticking: The Hawking Sequence”, this country lies south of Southumbria, as per the author hand-drawn map on page 74. The country is characterized by its rich mineral deposits, primarily silver and gold. Its very name is taken from the word for ‘gold’ in the Mother Language.
The Aurumia/Southumbria border meanders, as it is primarily based on the location of three major rivers: The River Ingens in the east, the Camino River and the Ovum River in the west.
Southumbrian families, particularly the Dispossessed, trying to find a better way of life journey south in the hope of entering Aurumia. Similarly, with mineral stocks nearing depletion in some parts of Southumbria, Southum prospectors and adventurers travel south to attempt to cross the border.
But illegal immigration is forbidden. So, the Aurumian government, through the iron-fisted Federal Immigration Regulating Enterprise, guards the border closely. River patrols are conducted daily by armed airships, ornithopters and steam boats. The waters of the Ovum Gulf are also patrolled, watching for insurgents from Siccanus, the large peninsula on the southwest portion of Southumbria. Aurumian border guards are able to act with impunity, and often shoot first and ask questions later.
 

Congrats to the prize winners from the draw held at my recent signing for "Ticking: The Hawking Sequence". Heinz Hammer of Chilliwack won first prize: an official "Ticking" T-shirt, matching coffee mugs and a baseball cap. Thanks to Heinz and his lovely wife Eunhee for a lovely lunch.

Second prize went to Mike Doolan of Coquitlam. Delivery of the highly-coveted prize meant social distancing and an elbow-touch. Mike's fantastic wife, Karen, ensured that hospital-like sanitation was upheld.

​What did Jesus look like? What do you think?
In my upcoming third book, “Ticking: Finding Jesus”, the chrononauts go back in time to see if Jesus Christ actually existed.
But if he did, what did he look like?
Everyone knows that he was a rather handsome man, right? Of course, the chrononauts would be searching for a kind of a Ryan Gosling/Jake Gyllenhaal combo, like the man on the left below.
Given sufficient millennia, I suppose that anyone can be as handsome as a Hollywood actor. But recent depictions of Christ are probably more complimentary than reality or logic suggests.
What Jesus looked like is, of course, secondary to His Message. That vision has undergone metamorphosis as scholars over the years have debated his appearance.
The focus of early sources was on the physical unattractiveness of Jesus. The 2nd century anti-Christian philosopher Celsus cruelly wrote that Jesus was "ugly and small". Another scholar stated that Jesus's form was despised, that he had an ignoble appearance and, sadly, his suffering proved the 'abject condition' of his body.
Others claim that he was a weak and inglorious man. The Acts of the Apostles is early Christian literature, recounting the lives and works of the apostles of Jesus. In the Acts of Peter, he is described as small and ugly to the ignorant. In the Acts of John, he is seen as bald-headed, with no good looks.
It seems more probable that Jesus was, to some degree, physically robust. Jesus is traditionally known as a carpenter and not rich. So, given the physicality of that occupation and the absence of dietary excess, he was likely lean of stature. And, he walked a lot!
Archaeological and forensic anthropological research suggests that Judeans of the time, like Jesus, were biologically close to Iraqi Jews. Thus, the average Judean (I’m lumping Judeans and Galileans together) would likely have had dark brown or black hair. Jesus’ hair was probably cut short, as the Bible says that “long hair is a dishonour to a man.”
He likely had an olive or dark reddish complexion and brown eyes.
Judean men of the period were not tall; about 1.65 metres or 5 feet 5 inches. Jesus probably had short hair and a beard, in accordance with Jewish practices of the time and the appearance of philosophers.
Scholars believe that he may have looked something like the man on the right below.
“I don't know how to take this, I don't see why he moves me. He's a man, he's just a man…”
From Jesus Christ, Superstar (1973)

Logically, it seems that Jesus was just a man; a regular-looking Galilean man. What do you think?
Look for “Ticking: Finding Jesus” coming this fall to a rain forest near you.

So, you’re self-isolating. Sequestered. Feeling rather…hermitic. It’s been weeks since your last haircut and you don’t feel like cutting your nails or shaving. What’s the point, right?
Scratching your stubbly neck, you realize that your significant other has disappeared into another part of the house; doing her part to social distance herself, you suppose.
Face it, you are becoming a hermit.
So, what is a ‘hermit’? A hermit is someone who lives in seclusion from society, usually for religious reasons.
As the wealthy tradesman, his wife and mistress discovered in “Ticking: A Tale of Two Time Travellers”, hermits were also employed by aristocrats to simply exist, as a part of the landscape surrounding the estate, to entertain visitors and to, somehow, improve the aristocrat’s cache. This phenomenon -- the ornamental or garden hermit -- occurred primarily in Georgian England, Ireland and Scotland, but hermits were also employed in continental Europe.
Prior to hiring a hermit, estate owners would have a hermitage constructed. If a grotto or cave were not available, this place of lodging might be a rustic shack.
The aristocrat might demand that his hermit dress in a costume, often as a druid. Although it is unclear as to what a druid looked like, the ‘druid costume’ unfortunately included a cap that looked much like a dunce cap.
The aristocrat in ‘Ticking’, Sir William Mansfield, made no such costume demand. He paid his hermit to simply live on the estate grounds, in a grotto. Estate staff would bring him meals and empty his chamber pot daily.
The hermit was forbidden to converse with anyone and was to “neither to wash himself…in any way…but is to let his hair and nails both on hands and feet, grow as long as nature will permit them.” (from an advertisement referenced in Sir William Gell’s ‘A Tour in the Lakes Made in 1797’).
Payment was made only after completion of a contract of, say, 5 to 7 years. At the end of that period, Sir William paid his man a pension equivalent to the annual income of a regular working man, for the remainder of the hermit’s life.
The first thing the hermit would do, I suppose, upon completion of the contract is to cut his fingernails, as he was forbidden to cut them during his tenure. Five years of growth would make them long (there’s a vast range for fingernail growth, between 0.5 and 4 inches per year). So, a hermit could have 20-inch nails at the end of his 5-year contract.
Cutting his nails would allow him the dexterity to perform other needed sanitary tasks, like finally bathing, washing his hair and shaving his beard. The bath would likely not be in a bath tub, as only the rich had tubs.
So, while you self-isolate, bear in mind the sad existence of the garden hermit. Then, order a non-contact pizza or something and consider yourself pretty well-off.

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